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Blog Entry

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?

Posted on: February 18, 2009 11:45 am
Edited on: February 18, 2009 11:56 am
 

Okay, here we are. D-Day for a B-day.

Now, from my own personal experience, my wife has 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters. I ,not by choice, have 0 siblings living. I have had the fortune not to witness this in my ,our, family. Unfortunately, I have been at birthday parties for my kid's friends where this has happen.

Lets paint the scene shall we. 1:00 pm in the afternoon on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Local park is filled with birthday parties. Out of nowhere the agonizing scream of a small child who must be caught under a car being dragged at speeds approaching lightspeed. I turn to try and locate this sound that has plunged a knife about 5 inches into my hip bone. Lo and Behold, I spy the child standing on a picnic table about half a mile away (okay 50 yrds. tops). First thing that pops in my dinosaur brain... That kid could be a star on Broadway.

And this years OSCAR for best acting in a drama goes to ___________.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. ....... Nope I have no clue, I am still hunting for some dirty napkins to shove in my ears to try and stop the torturous wails of this obvious child abuse victim. I see another child sitting amid a throng of small kids wearing a hat that looks like it was imported straight off the Bozo the clown website (does Bozo have one? hmmmmm.). The child is gathering what looks to be all the available oxygen from a 5 square mile radius into his lungs to blow what looks like a candleabra from some Vatican ceremony off the top of a 6 tier cake. Granted, I may be embellishing a wee bit (okay it was only 5 Tiers). Now, as this scene is going on, I notice an adult reach over to the pile of wrapped gifts and snag one off the rear of the mound. The adult then hands the present to the car dragged child who instantly must have undergone some sort of Star Trek healing (the wails stopped and the child was done with the acting). Now, unbeknownst to me, my 4 yr old (now 5) asks me what that was all about. I instantly think to myself, truth or dare), do I say what I think or do I go diplomatic.

Well, If anyone has read my material, I am sadly lacking in diplomacy. Just ask my wife's sister. She made the mistake one day of asking me that question which most guys dread. I quote " What do you think Doug, does this pair of pants look good on me?" Before my wife could lunge at me to get the tourniquet around my throat the words were out. "Well, that depends, how much KY did it take to get the pants on over your hips." I am happy to say that lil comment cost me 6 months without her wonderful words lightening my life. The sister's words not my wifes. After 8 years together my wife knows me all too well and has many times warned her sisters not to ask my opinion if they dont want blunt truth. Wonder if the sister will talk to me this Easter. Well, heres to hoping yes.

Now, back to topic, the child who was wailing from the car dragging has now become quite sedated from the present it has received. My child is perplexed and asks the ineviatible question. "Dad, why dont I get a present when Jayden or Izzy has a birthday party"

Cmon feet dont fail me now...... Think Brain Think.......    Lie or Truth........HMMMMMMMMM

Okay, lets weight the options. A lie is the easy way out. Always a desired option for the parent of 4 kids. Truth will confuse the child...... Maybe he will just forget the question if I stare at him like I just had a stroke....... Nope that didnt work he is still staring at me... Damn..... Okay, here goes....... Well, Skylarr, that child has to be in on whatever goes on and the parent has failed at being the one thing they cannot fail at. So, in order to make the child feel like part of the day the parent cowwed to the child and gave the child what it wanted. Ummmmmm. god I hope I said that on the inside....Quick glance at my son tells me the answer..... Whew that was on the inside. Okay. "Well, Sky, maybe the child was stung by a bee and the parent is trying to make them feel better. No, i doubt that. Sky, that parent has done a bad job of showing the child who is screaming that they are not in control of the family. the child who is screaming has the wheel of the family. Lets look at this from our family." Sky says, "okay, dad". "If we had your birthday party today and your brother Jayden all of a sudden started screaming like that what would you think if mom gave him one of your presents." Skylarr says, eyes wide. " I get a party today". 

 Uh Oh, now I am cornered. Wrong tact. Warning claxons going off like a sub taking the nose dive of the Thresher.

"Nope, no party today kiddo, just a problem we are talking about."

 "Oh, okay dad. well....... dad?"

"yes"

"This problem would not happen with our family. Mom has the wheel."

WOOOHOOOOOOOOO, DING DING DING. WINNNER WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.

Cmon kiddo, want an Ice Cream. Psst dont tell your mom I want to drive sometimes.

Category: Fantasy
Comments

Since: Oct 17, 2006
Posted on: February 25, 2009 5:15 pm
 

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?

really depends on the way the CBS brass decide to go. so far all i see is a whole bunch of rules being instituted that are just pizzing off the masses in general. the whole troll thing really never bugged me but this whole rate fiasco is just in the end a petty game. am having a blast during the day thought reading all the posts. i am sure as long as CBS doesnt drop me below SS then i can continue to blog and glog. i am sure i will conform like the rest of the automations. take my soma pill like a good earthling.




Since: Oct 11, 2006
Posted on: February 25, 2009 1:20 pm
 

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?


Ah, I am familiar with this strange practice though do not have first hand knowledge.  I have three daughters but have never experienced the screaming sibling myself at any of our ritualistic celebration of birth.  Truth be told, they all end up sharing the gifts in end anyway.  Actualy it is quite funny, the younger ones get more excited by the clothes that the oldest gets at her parties just because they know eventually it will be handed down to them.

I will confess though, there are some birthday parties that my girls attend that I really look forward to.  Just because the goody bags are often a lot more impressive than the gift we brought.  Still waiting on that plasma goody bag though.

Sorry to hear Doug that you are taking less interest in your blog here on CBS.  Your thoughts and ideas that you put down here are very entertaining.  I hope you decide to stick with it.




Since: Oct 17, 2006
Posted on: February 25, 2009 11:12 am
 

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?


Thanks for the KUDOS epozz. i was hoping to start a nice blog here on CBS. but alas the best laid plans of mice and men. with all the recent changes in the so called community. ugh what a massive CF. i may still blog on the well meaning site. will be intresting to see if CBS pulls fur from a nether region in time to save alot of people who have come to think of CBS as a fun site. i just dont see it though. will check back daily to see if CBS has popped its ears from its behind.




Since: Dec 1, 2008
Posted on: February 25, 2009 6:04 am
 

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?

Downright perfectly stated on! I think that this BS of having kids birthday parties and everyone getting a gift for coming is also a bunch of horse doody. It is basically the same thing that you are talking about but for the whole bunch of brats, who are now too spoiled to actually realize that it is not about them but the birthday person. Just about had it with that.

 

Right on Elf Lord!!! Kudos!



The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com