Posted on: September 27, 2009 10:19 am

Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power Week 2

1) BALCO LABS (6) - Balco Bounces back with high points for week 2, we seen just how dynamic Andre Johnson can be, and Sproles has been stepping in nicely, but the injury bug keeps biting, now with Barbarian Barber, Questionable for today's games.  Still a very week bench and WR corps. Tough Matchup against the Peterphile will determine this teams GUSTO.

2) BACKYARD BRAWLERS (2) - Most points scored in the BAFF through 2 weeks, but 4 teams hot on your tail.  You said last week I didn't talk about Roy Williams and Reggie Wayne enough last week in the rankings, well your duo combined for a fat 4 points this week.  Stellar.  Fat Frank had a career day, Greg Olsen not the top TE both you and I had expected.  Still back to back week's well above 100 points speaks for itself.  QB carousel will be the death of this team, as the reigns have been handed to Garrard for week 3.  Tough Division matchup again the green bowlers this week. Undefeated season dreams will end this week.

3) KELSOS HELMET (3) - Once is begin to start the right guiys on my bench my team could be unstoppable.  Brees continued to roll, get used to it.  Braylon Edwards showed signs of life, but the Earl Bennet experience is no more.  Has a dream matchup against the Jaloply of a team in Thurman In His Prime in week 3 and could be #1 in the Central Tuesday morning.  WIll continue to stick with Ray Rice because we all know Willis is a fluke.


Category: Fantasy Football
Posted on: September 17, 2009 6:39 pm
Edited on: September 20, 2009 7:58 am

Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power Week 1

Well week one is in the books and Leodis McKelvin is due to be lynched today at noon.  How many times will the Bills let us down, it's really not a funny joke anymore.  Crazy week 1 in the NFL and just as crazy in the BAFF as always.

1) FEAR & LOATHING (12) - We have a first in the Rankings of Power, this team goes worst to first in one weeks time.  Making a statement in week 1 with a 68 point trouncing of Huffy!  Took the power rankings advise with starting Hasselback and it payed off.  Dont count on 43 points out of Philly every week though.  Slaton should rebound and Kevin Smith will be a top 10 back this year. Fitz picked up where he left off and Hines and Welker do what they do quietly all year.  Don't let your head get too big, it's only week 1 big guy.

2) BACKYARD BRAWLERS (8) - I'll give credit where credit is due, Jeffy knocked off the champ so he has earned this spot.  Still not sold on the squad though bud.  QB is a mess. Who would have thouht Fred Jackson would run wild on monday night in NEW England! WR's backed up your smack talk for at least week 1, but it's a long season. Enjoy life at the top cuz it's a rough tumble to the bottom.

3) KELSOS HELMET (1) - Put up a respectable 107 points, led by the man Drew Brees who is on pace for 96 TD's this year haha  Woulda coulda shoulda made some different roster moves and won this game.  Could quite possibly now have the most deep running back stable with Cadilacc, Jones, Grant, Hightower (who caught 12 passes), and Mike Bell, Mike Bell will out point both Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas this year, could be like Slaton slipping to me on waivers last year, or he could be Like Rudi Johnson.  Remember I started 0-3 last year and despite what Jeffy tries to say, Brandon Jacobs and Peyton Manning had virtually the same fantasy points after we made the trade.  Earl Bennet was targeted 13 times Sunday, thats right behind only Moss, Reggie Wayne, and Calvin Johnson!  He's looking like Cutlers guy.  Look for the Helmet to Strap it back on next week against rival Green Bowl Packers! Strap it on? Hmmmm... Maybe that wasn't the right choice of words.

4) HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE (6) - Knocked off the other team in last years championship game deserves a spot jump.  Romo looks like he's gunna be strong this year, but get used to Turner flopping, Jacobs should be a horse this week, Cotchery could have a Roddy White type of breakout season this year and we saw what type of offense Colston is in.  Graham and Mendenhall are in 3 back systems and that is not rosterable in fanatsy, look for an upgrade here.  Percy Harvin is more out of the Roscoe Parrish mold, I don't expect him to be an elite WR soon. Battling Balco this week and it should be a good one.

5) GREEN BOWL PACKERS (3) - Holmes is your Homie and i'm the bandwagon too , What will we see from Lee this week? Steve Smith is completetly off my list until Delhomme is upgraded....11 turnovers in his last 2 games!!!!!!! The guy is not an NFL QB anymore.  Palmer will rebound and probably be the straw that stirs the drink to beat me this week.  Eagles could lean heavily on Westbrook with McNAbb out this week and MJD is the only thing good in Jacksonvile.  Keep working on Jeff for McCoy, you'll need him soon enough.  Better gring you A game this week dummy.

6) BALCO LABS (4) - Balco snuck out a cheap win against a TOnight the Riot squad that still thought it was preseason.  Won't win many more weeks scoring 72 though Cub.  Team has 3 stars surround by piles of poop.  Sproles the lightning bug steps in for Lendale white this week who woulda thought youd be starting Sproles week 2?  Anthony Gonzales out kills an already week WR squad.  Don't think Devery is the savior. Ginn needs to be upgraded asap also. Tony G did have a nice debut in Hotlanta though. Needs to make some tweaks or this team could tumble down the ranks.

7) HYDRO HUSKIES (5) - Huskies bark got smacked up by the silent Rodgers Raiders.  Already smacked with an LT injury, Kurt Warner showed his age...TO needs to get involved, Eddie Royal doesn't seem to be the key in Denver like wehn Cutler was there.  Felix Jones is a borderline #3 back and now he steps into your #2 role. Facing #1 ranked Fear and Loathing this week so things could get worse.  Im predicting a Warner injury this week too!!  Sorry bud.

8) PETERPHILE (7) - AP will only get you so far.  The rest of your teams looks scarce! WR are horrid, although Dallas Clark should step it up with A Gonzalez out.   Big Game against the commish could get him out to a 2-0 start but it'll be tough to kee this stone rolling.

9) TONIGHT THE RIOT (3) - Rodgers and Moss will have to carry this team, the running back carousel started with drafting Pierre Thomas, I was not a fan, and still am not.  Better hope Knowshon starts to figure things out.  Also sends the worst trade offers in the league, but at least he makes offers.  I see you are a fan of Bush (Michael and Reggie), but like any 80's porno that's out of style! 

10) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME (9) - With McNabb down this team looks like a peewee team.  Don't expcect to ride Julius Jones to a championship!  Longwell could be your high scorer this week. 

11) A FIGHTING CHANCE (10) - You dissapointed me Huffy! You got completely slaughtered last week.  Chris Johnson isn't a first round back, I dont think.  Portis's best days could be behind him.  Flacco and Benson could be 2 of your better players at years end.  In a bottom feeder battle this week against the Raiders, it'll will be a close one!

12) RODGERS RAIDERS (11) - It's good to see your face on the message boards Dustin even, if Ben doesn't think it's cool.  How bout some Playing Time for Heyward-Bey? Michael Clayton will not solve any problems this week.  Addai will not be the starting back in Indy by week 8.  Fuck tom Brady and Ben Watson for life!

Posted on: August 28, 2009 7:33 am
Edited on: September 4, 2009 8:31 pm



The 4th season of the BAFF is here, and as I write this I can't help to stare at the crystal trophy perched on top of my desk, still.  Here they are through the eyes of the champ.

1) KELSOS HELMET - Well I must say I wasn't expecting to be getting the #4 WR off the board at pick 11 and that my draft strategy was somewhat foiled from the start.  That said however I did have MEGATRON Calvin Johnson ranked just behind Andre Johnson on my board so was thrilled to select this UBER wideout.  Nugget, I'll pause for a moment so you can look up the word UBER.  Calvin had only 1 less Fantasy Point than Andre last year despite having 37 LESS receptions, and could defintly push for the #1 WR in fantasy this season. Despite how much Jeremy wants to blow Moss, Id just rather have a 24 your old freak rather than a 32 year old freak, who's got the bigger upside? Drew Brees is at the helm for The Helmet this year, the no doubt top QB from last year by 49 Fantays points.  He threw for 500 more yards than every other passer in the NFL last year and I feel it was a gift at pick 14.  That's the kind of QB i want on my team.  Now here come the question marks.  If Braylon Edwards and Chris Henry can both play as #2 wideouts my WR core is as good as any. Earl Bennet i have been hearing tons of sleeper talk, Cutler and him were teammates at Vandy could mean nothing or could mean the world. Not thrilled on the one two punch of Grant and Thomas Jones but... Grant is one of 5 backs with over 300 carries last year.  With more and more two-back systems popping up a 300 carry back is becoming scarce. OH! and guess who had the EXACT same amount of Fantasy Points as ADRIAN PETERSON last year? Thomas Jones. Look it up. My two-headed monster doesn't sound too bad now does it? With TO in the BLO Whitten will be Romo's goto guy more than ever.  Jeff is still dreaming it will be Roy Williams but we all know REDZONE = Witten.  Ray Rice could have a Steve Slaton-esque breakout season this year and I can only hope one man surfaces as the man in Arizona hopefully Beanie breaks a leg.  Thrilled to have the BEARS in the 13th round I think Ben took them in like the 4th a few years ago. haha. And all I know is that Kris Brown kicks alot of 50 yarders I dont know why I think that, does he?  Will he? As in the Helmet threepeat? You all better hope not. If so you should be ashamed off yourselves and rename this league KELSOS BITCHES!

2) GREEN BOWL PACKERS - For all the bitching during the draft, and trust me nobody does it better than ButtNugget. He actually drafted a pretty solid team and if you ask me the autopick helped you out immensly.  MJD & Westbrook could be the most deadly combo in the league IF Westbrook can stay on the field.  I wouldn't wait to long before trading for Lesean McCoy though.  Also like how you sniped Chester Taylor on Pederphile whether you meant to or not.  Willis McGahee will be the first person cut from this team.  Steve Smith, Santonio Holmes, and Lee Evans.  I know they don't sound like a sexy trio, but all three could conceivably be #1 fantasy wideouts.  Steve Smith will make up for Holmes and Evans tendency to be inconsistent and I think Lee could have a career year, but doesnt everybody? Why is Jake Delhomme still an NFL QB?  I'd like Smith alot more if that wasn't his case. Not sure where you drafted him but If Chris Cooley can find the endzone more than once he could easily vault into the top 3 TE's quietly.  His 111 targets and 83 receptions was 2nd to only Tony Gonzalez last year.  Carson Palmer..this was the guy I was going to target if I didn't get Brady, Brees, or Peyton lets just say he's due, the guy has a pretty descent WR core to throw too and has done it before.  You better get on Trent's bandwagon too if your gunna roll with him as your backup, quit sending me texts about how shitty he's doing every game.  Giants D is always atop the league can't complain here.  Not too bad seeing as how bad you were sweating the draft because you said you were unprepared.  Seems like we have been division rivals every year also, I LOVE to HATE this team.  Good Luck Sally.

3) TONIGHT THE RIOT - Kicked off the WR run early this year with Randall Moss.  Nothing I can really say bad about the guy who was an integral part of Kelsos Helmet 08 Title run.  All roads lead to Moss having a great year, just limit your expectations. Maybe the biggest ? in Fantasy Football is to project Brandon Marshalls numbers this year.  It will be feast or famine, no average year here he makes your WR core elite or average. Moore and Walter are basically the same guy but Walter gets bonus points because he's white. White Wr's rule.  Don Beebe, Wayne Chrebet, Brandon Stokley and now Kevin Walter.  They should form a facebook group. Hard to fathom Steven Jackson dropping to 20!  Could have worst O-Line in football though and has missed 4 games during the heart of the season each the last 2 years.  I must not have gotten the memo on Pierre Thomas or I must be a sucker because for some reason I like Bush better, shit I might even like Deuce McCalister (does he even play?) better than Pierre, call me crazy.  Knowshon if he's like any of these other backs, Olandis Gary, Mike Bell, Travis Henry, Selvin Young he'll be able to gain yards in that running scheme.  Before AP came along it was kind of Taboo to draft rookie running backs.  How's Forte, Slaton and Chris Johnson taste.  Moreno could be picked next year where those guys were this year...1st round.  Reports out of Riot training camp have word of an altercation during 7 on 7 drills.  It seems Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre are at odds and fucking up team chemistry, there has even been talk of a rumoured fist fight but both parties refused to comment on the situation.  Vincent "Don't call me your cousin Vinny" Shiancoe should thrive with Favre who we all know leans on his TE's quite a bit.  Vincent had 7 Td's last season under the radar.  Last but not least your tom foolery trade to get Gostkowski, made me chuckle when I looked at it.   Didn't you get Thomas Jones, a top 5 back last year for the charges D? And yet it's my trades that get brought up all time. This team is my favorite to come out of the WEST divison.

4) BALCO LABS - A Pretty solid team here front to back, Peyton is as consistent and healthy as any QB hands down, potential to be a  #1 Fantasy QB every year.  I wanted to quit the draft after Andre didn't fall to me. Mark my words, he will be the #1 WR in 2009. Package 3rd year breakouts Ginn Jr and Gonzalez and you could have a trio.  You should have kept Crayton though, I think he could have a better year than Ginn, Henderson is just a deep threat and nothing more.  Your other Anthony Gonzalez, Tony, could just explode in Atlanta, that offense has been pretty deadly this preseason.  Crabtree should be dropped in favor of anybody else, save him for next year. A PREMIER player at 3 positions (4 if you count the Ravens), is a good formula for success.  Weakest spot on the team is your running back stable Barber and Lendale are goaline horses however and Jamal Lewis is still kicking for a bye week replacement.  Will battle all season long in the West.

5) HYDRO HUSKIES - After two years of battling to the last week and falling just short of a playoff spot, The Huskies will get what they truly desrve this year and experience the smell of the post season.  My favorite to com e out of the East division.  Has an absolutley deadly trio in the backfield.  Deangelo looks like he'll be getting more carries at least early on and showed last year he can smell the endzone, I am a huge Ladanian fan this year, I think he is going to bounce back into top 5 overall pick next year, he's gunna prove people wrong.  A complete STEAL at pick 19!  I have been quoted as saying Felix Jones will have more TD's than Marion Barber this year.  Jones is a very dynamic back.  Kurt Warner is the man we all know it, but I just don't believe he will stay healthy everyone says how old Favre is at 39 well Warner is 38.  But Big Ben is as quality backup as you can get so you covered your bases Mr. Davis.  Your WR's could be absolutley nasty or absolulley putrid.  Who know's what TO will do, Eddie Royal should continue to build on last years succes especially if Marshalls woes continue.  Holt is an ideal WR3 and it wasn't that long ago when he was a premier wideout.  A change of scenery could do him well.  Morgan and Gage both have upside but were still waiting for anything substantial from either.  Trade Gage to Pederphile, he loves him.  John Carlson is often targeted in seatle and is yet another up and coming TE, was on my target list.  Billy Miller is better than Shockey though.  Cowboys defense had the most sacks last year, just saying. I always thought Rackers would be the perfect wingman.  Hydro Huskies hydro dog food bowl has been running low latlely...hopefully it won't mess with his fantasy production. Playoffs? Playoffs?

6) HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE - After following up his championship season with back to back piss poor seasons, Home Field management looks like they could be turning things around.  Another great RB tandem here, even though I'm not a fan of Michael Turner, who will not sniff 370 carries again this year. I have a bet with someone outside this league that Michael Turner will not be a top 10 fantasy RB in 2009, but until then I guess you have to label him a top option.  So now if Turner is one of my least favorite backs, you make up for it huge having my favorite RB in the NFL to watch play, Brandon Jacobs on your team.  Is almost a given for 100 yards and a TD every week he plays and punishes defenders on a weekly basis.  Can't go wrong having that guy on your team.  Mendenhall like I said before could end up with #1 back numbers. It won't be long before trade offers from Thurman start pouring in. Earnest Graham will not be useful this year.  Gates is healed up and the model TE that you would want on a fantasy team, not a weak spot here.  If I do see a weak spot it is the WR core.  Colston will bounce back but Breaston might actually turn out to be your #2, Driver killed me in leagues last year and I have vowed to exile him from any of my teams until he retires.  Cotchery is the guy in NY but I'm not sure how good that is.  Percy Harvin could surprise if him and Favre connect but will be used more in the return game. Tony Romo lost 150 lbs this offseason. Get it? He should remain a top 5 QB and makes this team solid at yet another position.  Romo does tend to fall off at the end of the year when you could need him most. Im predicting Disadvantages first playoff appearance since 2006.

7) PEDERPHILE - Pete, so I here your back at the cozy confines of Central Main.  Did you get to clean up a nice Peggy Sharloo shit yet or do you save all those for Scottie? Lost in the championship game to one of the best, seems to fly under the radar most years and always has one of the top team names.  Couldn't flub the 1st pick, Adrian looks in midseason form and paired next to Ronnie Brown, who at times last year ran like a wild cat will be as good RB duo as any in our league.  Not much for RB depth though but AD AP allows for that.  Rivers has and will continue to develop into a star, hands down Top 5 QB and could push Top 3.  And if for some reason Rivers flops, Matt Ryan is blossoming himself.  A rather Motley Crue at WR, hope Roddy White is the real deal because he's carrying it on his shoulders, Mason will catch balls, but so do you, across your chin. Santana Moss, Burleson, and Mushin Mohammad are god awful, maybe not Santana but he's VERY inconsistent and the other two shouldn't be on your roster.  Dallas Clark will help out your sorry bunch but he's only one man.  Kicked off the Defenses in about round 7 hope the Steelers were worth a solid WR that you could have used.  Bironas is always a personal favortie kicker of mine.  He has a BAFF Ring with THE HELMET. Adriiiiiiiiaaaaaaan!!! Won't get you to the playoffs this year Popsicle Peter.

8) BACK YARD BRAWLERS - Picking in front of Jeffy, I knew I'd have my chance to sting him on a few players, but honestly you got me your fair share of times also.  Originally after the draft I fealt this team was going to be a contender, but after further review I'm not so sure.  Will have to slay the dragon week 1 or start 2009 in the bucket. We went into the draft with similar draft strategies, WR Heavy.  But you still failed to get even a 1 top 10 WR from last year.  Reggie Wayne is solid but not your overwhleming star like an Andre or Calvin johnson. Ideally I went into the draft targeting Wayne as a WR#2 for me but WR's flew of the board at an alarming rate. Roy Williams and Vincent Jackson are walking hype machines, but they rarely have delivered.  VJack has been a sleeper for as long as I can remember, it's time to break out or BUST!  I would have been scared starting Matt Cassel week 1 now it's in the hands of Shaun Hill or Marck Dirty Sanchez...whatever you do STILL the  Weakest QB squad in our league.  Frank Gore is solid but don't wait on Glen Coffee, I'll give you until week 3 to grab him then i'm gunna pick him up just before Fat Frank goes down.  Ward isn't much of a fantasy back this year in my book.  See Cadilacc Williams here.  Fred Jackson may just end up outpointing Lynch this year.  Greg Olsen was my sleeper tight end if I didn't pounce on Whitten, I think he has a good upside.  This team has no PREMIER players at any positions and that will be there downfall.  No Playoffs for the Crawlers. Sad but true.

9) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME - Is this years Thurmans time to shine?  Last year around week 2, I remember ZTrain saying that Forte will be a top five back next year, I think he may even have posted it on the message board, however I didn't buy it....Then.   I am sold on him this year though and definetly like him in favor of other backs such as Deangelo Williams and Michael Turner this year.  Probably could waited 2 or 3 more rounds to get Mcnabb but picking him there ensures you get him.  Donovan is poised for a top 3 Fantasy QB season is my prediction, behind Brees and Brady.  Running back #2 is VERY suspect.  I have never been a Willie Parker supporter and am not going to start this year.  Should have drafted Mendenhall, I think I was a year early on predicting his breakout season last year, this is his year.  Donald brown could emerge but at the same time it's still Joesph Addai's show. Julius Jones, Jerious Norwood, and Leon Washington are all junk and borderline rosterable. Bowe will be your top wideout, and the connection with McNabb and Desean could prove to be a lethal combo.  Too bad this cheap ass league doesn't give points to the PLAYER with the kick or punt return or he'd even have more value.  Laverneous is a solid #3 but isn't the definition of consistency, plus rising superstar Chris Henry has caught a TD pass in every preseason game, just saying. Coles best days could be behind him.  Dustin Keller will take a step back this year without Favre there, so TE is a big hole to fill in my opinion. Titans is a great defense to have. A strong bench is key to Fantasy, so why did you put the autopilot on after about round 7!

10) A FIGHTING CHANCE - For some reason Huffy never gets any love in the Rankings, no hard feelings bud.  Chris Johnson and Portis is a very good 1,2, Johnson has had a rough preseason and Lendale White is still in the picture though. Benson may surprise you this year and become your #2 RB by years end. Schaub should thrive if healthy and Houston's offense has the potential to move into the elite of the NFL.  Average WR core will bank on Jennings most weeks, name the last Seattle WR that has made a fantasy impact, Berrian has never been a guy I like, but that's just me, he is a nice #3 wideout to have I guess. Avery could be a little steal, as he came on big the last half of last season and takes over for departed Torry Holt.  Owen Daniels was one of 5 TE's last year targeted 100 times, always a good sign.  I see a strong possibility of this team moving up in the rankings as weeks go on.

11) RODGERS RAIDERS - This newcomer has yet to show his face on thje message boards so he gets no love in the rankings.  Brady looks like he's back and there really is noone better at QB.  Proably the worst running back stable in the league.  Although McFadden could be a sleeper, Addai has fell a lot from the top 6 pick I took him with in 2007, and just how good can I guy feel about having the Bills 3rd string running back as his backup running back? Ok you dropped him but never even picked up a replacement.  Get on it!  And how about a message board post newbie? You Scrrrred?  A below average running backs squad is paired with an average WR corps.  Ochocinco has more bark that bite, and needs to start playing like the star he thinks he is.  Hester has potential, but Heyward Bay and Chambers are pretty useless fanatsy options.  Zack Miller must've needed to fill your Raider needs, but is yet another young up and coming TE, and will most likely be Oaklands #1 recieving threat.  Definelty should loose one of your 2 Defences for some running back depth.  I have some guys you may be interested in.  No Playoffs for this team this year. Gotta scrape the rust off.  Good luck with your second term in the BAFF, it's gotten cuthroat since 06'.

12) FEAR N LOATHING -  Somebodies gotta be last and this year it's you Justin.  A perennial playoff team may have to sit out a year.  QB's are both proven men.  Might end up starting Hasselback more often than Cutler when all is said and done.  Kevin Smith, Slaton and, Larry Johnson could be a sleeper trio.  Actually at a closer look this team shouldn't be ranked last.  Fitzgerald is a PREMIER wideout paired with two of the more consistent WR in the leaguein Wleker and Hines is also a good trio.  Antonio Bryant and Branch need to be upgraded though Kellen Wnslow needs a rejuvination but I don't know many TE's to thrive in Tampa Bay...ever.  Don't worry Justin I'm sure Rodgers Raiders will reclaim this spot before to long.  And do you work at Subway? Too cool to say what's up when you made my $5 footlong?



KELSOS HELMET                  9-5


BALCO LABS                 10-4
PEDERPHILE                   8-6

Posted on: September 24, 2008 7:26 am
Edited on: September 28, 2008 9:48 am

Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power Week 3


Well we now have no undefated teams or no winless teams.  Divisions tightend up big time.  Bye weeks start will they bite your team?
Controversy over draft style and customized league swirled this week in the BAFF. Everyone is encouraged to air there opinion on the matter.  Lets get to the rankings...

1) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME (1) - Holding true to his #1 ranking Thurman takes the high point money for week 3 and now is 38 points ahead of any other team.  Consistency is his motto.  A tough road ahead though, with back to back bye weeks for Plaxico is definetly a test.  WR squad in a whole is desimated this week with Wayne on bye, Antonio Bryant and the coke sniffing Matt Jones will now have to shoulder the load.  Nope give that job to the 2nd WR in all of fantasy football Santana Moss, a pleasant surprise for a #3 WR, huh!  Cutler should continue to roll against KC, Gore looks like a better pick than Moss every single week,and as for Thomas Jones? I'd start Stewart.  Tough matchup with a HOT BTAN team, but we all know Thurman comes to play.

2) Fear & Loathing (5) - OK.  You may have impressed me finally.  I need at least 1 more game though to proove Aaron Rodgers is the real deal.  After a slow start F&L has now put up 100 in two straight weeks.  Beast Mode has come to play Chris Johnson however has a tough matchup against the Viking run D.  Jennings and Fitzgerald great combo but might wanna think about going with Roddy White Over Santonio.  Eagles D looked tenacious against Pittsburgh.  Schefler back down to earth after 2td week 2 performance. Don't worry you still should stomp Ben either way.

3) Ron Mexico Kennel Club (4) - This team could be crumbling before our eyes.  Romo and Owens continue to be solid, but now Willie Parker is down for maybe 2 weeks and then the bye.  WR options besides TO are very suspect.  While Bowe is a solid threat his team doesnt put up enough points consistenly.  And your number three is a revolving door.  Point prooved for addition of the flex position.  Owen Daniels after two games could be a stud in the making.  Future success may ride on the heels of MJD, Pierre Thomas on your bench is returned to useless with Deuce coming back this week.  Green Bowls stand no match for this iron lung.

4) Green Bowl Packers (2) - Continues to put up points each week but from different players.  Housh finally woke up for 20 this past week and Drew Brees throws for 400 yards like its his job.  Steven Jackson been doing an awful lot of complaining lately, sounds like Nugget!  How many touches will Earnest Graham continue to get if Griese throws the ball 67 times a game?  Nuggets Nut Sac isn't big enough to pull the trigger on a deal so this team may fade into mediocrity.  Hines Ward & DeSean Jackson have both cooled off and Patrick Crayton has really been nonexistant.  Still own the best TE in the business in my book.  Your bowls beat this week! Like you!

5) Kelsos Helmet (6) - Pulled out a squeeker last week to find the win column for the first time all year.  It felt good boys, even if I did only score 79.  The retooling of the Helmet has begun.  With the additon of Peyton Manning it makes this  team much better and I gave up next to nothing to get him.  Only the 20th ranked fantasy back Jacobs and his backup Ward, who seems to run for more yards and get more carries each week.  I'd take Manning over an avg. running back tandem anyday.  LJ bounced back after complaining about carries, lets hope he's here to stay.  Big Ben is officialy on the block and gets a chance to showcase his skills for a new team before handing over the reigns to Peyton.  The Robert Meachum era has begun in New Orleans, well lets hope.  Coles is looking better and better every week, couldn't give him away 3 weeks ago and now suddenly the trade offers start to come in for him.  The winning ways continue as the Backyard Brawlers get knocked out by The Helmet with one swift head butt.  Poor guy never knew what hit him.

6) Tonight The Riot (8) -  With the loss of Brady & Colston, The Riot just continues to pull out wins and climb the power rankings.  On the heels of the 6th round steal, leading fantasy back Michael Turner, who It kills me to see do good and Anquan "show me the money" Boldin this team is finding a way to win ballgames despite the injury woes.  Jamal Lewis prob won't fill your gaping whole at #2 running back though, as well as Chanci Stuckey being a perennial powerhouse all year I just can't see it.  Banking on Devery Henderson this week to catch one ball for a 75 yard touchdown? I guess he's due.  Gates producing as per usual.  Hydro Huskies however is due for a explosion this week and you fall from cloud 9.

7) Backyard Brawlers (3) - Falling 4 spots this week are  the Brawlers, after a nailbiting loss you followed it up with a big 65 pointer accompanied by injuries to both McNabb and Westbrook that could linger.  Kevin Smith is a proud member of the crowdest backfield in football, Detroit ... Cedrick Benson, Sean Alexander, Duckett, Rudi Johnson, i dunno, is Artose Pinner still there?  Can't count on this guy, oh i see you cut him?  LenDale White does always seem to score a TD.  Gutsy move starting Trent Edwards over McNabb.  You just ruined my Bills game this week dick.  Steve Smith looked avg. in his first week back, Lee Evans could step it up with Roscoe out.  Kellen Winslow is starting to fizzle along with the Browns.  I'm interested to see how Mendenhall does, I was his biggest supporter to begin the season.  Bernard Berrian still shouldnt be on a roster.  Taking a trip to th ER to stitch up your lip and broken nose after the kelsos helmet headbutt.

8) Hydro Huskies (7) - Benching Favre this week in favor of the hot hand and JT "dont call me JP" O' Sullivan might be a good play.  Barber and Bush were dominat last week but still couldnt lead you to victory.  McFaddens toe injury could bother him awhile  When will the 86th ranked WR Braylen Edwards come around? 6 total points on the year!  Kevin Walter is a sleeper start if I ever heard one.  I like Hardy to step it up, but don't get carried away with your expectations.  I predict two catches for VD this week...TD catches from JT that is....Ha that's sounds funny.  Jeremy won't squeek by the water puppies this week.

9) BTAN (11) - Who owns the #1 TE in fantasy?  BTAN Does!  Thats right, Anthony Fasano leads all TE in fantasy points after 3 weeks.  But he's on bye this week so you'll be going with none other than...drum roll please... Billy Miller.  Might wanna sneak Cambell in over Palmer this week, Carson banged his funny bone.  Edge still has failed to score a TD and Peterson is nicked up.  Chris Chambers could be the comeback player of the year, cuz he's come back to life this season.  Holt could be almost as worthless as Randy Moss now.  Harrison on bye leaves you with a sevicable Ike Bruce as the Wr #3.  Playing the best team in the league this week so be prepared for the worst.

10) BALCO Labs (9) - Hey Cubby! Tell me how my helmet tastes.  Balco failed to show up for battle last week and shipped it's #1 draft pick in the process.  Philip Rivers takes over the helm and Brandon Jacobs digs in the backfield.  Jacobs is my favorite back in the NFL, so it was quite hard to deal him, but Peyton is just too good to refuse.  Portis has been your keystone thus far and should continue to count on this production from him as long as he's healthy.  It's official Roy Williams and Donald Driver are both #2 WR's.  Cotchery is a main target but seems to be bang or bust from week to week.  Michael Bush might be your favorite player but really quit starting him.  Lucky you play Huffy.

11) Home Field Disadvantage (10) - 2-1 but scoring third least points in the league.  Schedule is helping you out early on but that won't help forever.  Need to make a deal desperatly.  Fred Jackson & Jerious Norwood, now that's a tandem RB if I ever saw one!  Brandon Marshall will be a 1st or 2 round pick next year.  He is Beastly.  Andre Johnson's offense is sputtering like Braylen Edwards.  I hate Delhomme, I'd start Tyler Thigpen over him.  Hank Baskett...well i don't really know what to think of Hank.  Maroney is hurt and splitting carries with LaMont Jordan, Kevin Faulk, and Sammy Morris.  It's gunna get worse before it gets better benny.  Pull the trigger and make a deal.

12) A Fighting Chance (12) - Leave it to the toilet bowl champion to leave Ronnie Brown on his bench for his 5TD performance.  Take away LT last week and you scored 38 points!  Eli is solid but need to lean on Derek Anderson this week.  Chad Ocho Cinco should have surgery or something he's wasting peoples time playing.  Ask Eddie Royal how the view from the back seat is now that Brandon Marshall is back?  Don't we have an anti taliban rule in this league if not we should change that for next year.  Muhsin Mohammad should be banned.  Better hope Westbrook don't play otherwise Buckhalter won't be helping out much.  watch out for the swirlie patrol huffy.
Category: NFL
Posted on: September 19, 2008 11:51 pm
Edited on: September 24, 2008 7:12 am

Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power Week 2


Do I stress you out? My sweaters on backwards and inside out and you say, hooOoow appropriate. I don't want to diesect everything today.  I don't mean to pick you apart you see. But I can't help it.
Anyone know that song?  Week 2 is in the books.  The champ falls to 0-2.  Ding dong the witch is dead?!  Not so Fast! I've still got some tricks up my sleeve.  Standings say theres only 2  teams left without a loss.  And 2 teams left without a win.  Still WAY too early to be crowning any winners, even though Nugget seems to sure have his panties in a bunch about his fast start.   Thurman In His Prime on the other hand is deploying the speak softly and carry a big stick method and The Kennel Club is malling everything in there path.

1) Thurman In His Prime
2) Green Bowl Packers
3) Backyard Brawlers
4) Ron Mexico kennel Club
5) Fear & Loathing
6) Kelsos Helmet
7) Hydro Huskies
8) Tonight The Riot
9) BALCO Labs
10) Home Field Disadvantage
11) BTAN
12) A Fighting Chance

1) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME (2) - ZTrain Polian continues to amaze me.  Thurman is the league leader in points by a favorable 25 points and is a 40 point favorite by the guru this week!!! A  career day from Cutler though  wasn't enough to come out of last week without a loss, but you did it in style and with moxy.  Good running backs keep on popping up out of the woodwork for this team, Matt Forte & Johnathon Stewart now leave you with an overly crowded stable of talented runners. Thats not a bad thing.  If there is a weakness I see it's your WR depth, Ike Hilliard & Josh Reed? Really Zack?

2) GREEN BOWL PACKERS (3) - Another convincing win for Green Bowls makes him one of the 2 undefeated teams left.  Rumour has it that this owner is trying to shake his roster up.  I smell a blockbuster?!  A little weak at WR especially now that Housh and the Bengals arn't producing.  Hines Ward does continue to produce but  Laverneous Coles would look great in a Green Bowl Packer Uniform!  Who would have thought Earnest Graham would be outpointing Tomlinson, Addai, Steven Jackson, & Larry Johnson after 2 weeks?

3) BACKYARD BRAWLERS (4) - 2nd in points and getting Steve Smith back this week.  Anchored by Eagles, McNabb and Westbrook it looks to be a winning formula early on. The trade pending involves Back yard trading his garbage for Jeremy's junk.  Kellen Winslow has been consistent but Gates is outpointing him but still to early to tell who won out.  Probably  time to upgrade Derrick Mason and I think I can help you out in that departmet.  Tough matchup this week against Thurman might knock you down for another week.  But keep throwing head butts and elbows brawler.

4) RON MEXICO KENNEL CLUB (5) - Moving up one spot we have the other undefeated team in the BAFF Ron Mexico.  With the way BTAN has looked Pedro could quite easily improve to 3-0. Say it ain't so.  Romo and TO arn't dissapointing.  And that little pipsqueak Willie Parker didn't score last week but still rushed for 100 yards.  Take away MJD's TD and he has 1 point, only 17 rushing yards and a fumble lost.  Don't really know what you got in Owen Daniels yet.  Must be trying to get real guru on us and pick up Pierre Thomas.  Did i ever mention that I think you should change your name to Popsicle Peters Pillowbiting Pirates? That'd be cool.

5) FEAR & LOATHING (8) - Continuing to climb  the ranks with the emergence of footballs ARod.  Everybody raise your middle fingers in the air and say Brett Favre Who?  When will you bench Willis and start Chris Johnson, he's the real deal.  Great combo now with Rodgers and Jennings not to mention Fitzgerald, but I don't think Santonio is going to live up to the hype this year, i just don't think he's fit to be a #1 guy.  It does look like Culter likes Schefler though.  This team prob could be 2-0 but it has had 47 more points scored against them than any other team.  The loser of your game this week with Huskies most likely will take last place in the divison.  Don't let it be you.

6) KELSOS HELMET (1) - Well the champ now took two suckerpunches to start the season.  The time has come to drop out of the coveted #1 spot.  Laid a total egg last week scoring a measly 63 points, now that's not gunna beat anybody is it?  But i do have the next most points scored against me  Giving Larry Johnson one last try this week so he better show up.  I'm predicting a huge day from Moss against Miami.  Going with a tough managerial call and benching Shockey in favor of Big John Carlson this week.  Tenness has been one of my favorite draft picks so far.  Big matchup this week with Balco Labs will have Kelso bringing his "A" game.  Can not fall to 0-3, it just won't happen.  GUARANTEE IT!

7) HYDRO HUSKIES (6) -  The water puppies improved to 1-1 last week with a close matchup with the Brawlers, despite benching McFadden who scored 20 on his bench.  It'll have to be Barber and Bush again this week with McFadden banged up.  Braylen Edwards has been getting shit for dropping balls, he should be OK.  If not Calvin Johnson could have emerged as a true stud WR last week with his performance.  I heard Matt Cassel be talked about as the start of the week against Miami, but I see your staying loyal to Favre.  O'Sullivan throws for 350 and not a single ball to Vernon Davis?  Guess he's not the go to guy afterall.  Can stay out of the basement with a win this week.  My moneys on you Davis, don't dissapoint.

8) TONIGHT THE RIOT (12) -  Moved up 4 spots for handing me a 42 point throttling.  Newly stolen QB Kurt Warner to Boldin combo for 3 TD's a piece was the death of me.  Chad Pennington would have been a much more viable replacement for Brady I believe. HA!  Turner is back to earth, as I suspected.  Also I think I told you Ryan Grant was junk after the draft.  Jamal Lewis is a good add of depth for you, I like the deal.  Also told you Bernard Berrian doesn't deserve to be on fantasy rosters and now he's not.  I really can't beleive you actually picked up Chanci Stuckey, now your starting him. LOL.  We'll see how that goes.  Tough matchup against the ButtNugget this week and I need a loss from you to stay in the division race.  Don't be surprised not to be back in the win column after blowing your wad on me last week.

9) BALCO LABS (7) - Two sub par performances from Peyton Manning leaves Balco fans calling for Phil Rivers!  Clinton Portis is solid, I'll give you that but the three headed monster of Fargus, Michael Bush, & Selvin Young is about as pitiful of 2nd running back options as they come.  Only 20 yards from Cotchery cuz Chanchi Stuckey gave Favre a reach around.  Drivers stock is up now and should continue to produce now that Rodgers is feeling it, and Roy Williams will be fine.  Don't think your getting back into the win column this week.  Semi Final rematch and Kelsos got his game face on BITCH!

10) HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE (11) - It's back to reality for the Disadvantage.  Only 10 points out of the league lead for least points scored.  Hasselback has NO buddy to throw to.  Addai's line is breaking down and he had 20 yards rushing last week.  Maroney did him better and rushed for 16.  Plus you have no backups to speak of in Scotts brother Jerius Norwood and  Brandon Marshall is definetly the anchor of this team, prob should trade him  and do some remodeling on your team.  Good thing your playing Huffy and you can feel good about winning 2 in a row possibly.

11) BTAN (9) - Jimbo it doesn't look good my man.  Low points after two weeks goes to you and your facing a matchup against undefeated Ron mexico team this week.  What the hell's the matter with Carson?  Scoring 2 and 1 in back to back weeks. LOL. Your WR's are above average, Chris Chambers looks to be warming up in San Diego, Holt got in the action, and Marvin Harrison should be back to form this week.  I'd be surprised if Edgerin scores more than 2 TD's all year with Tim Hightower hogging any and all goaline carries.  AP is banged up also, maybe you should think about talking to Nugget about obtaining his favorite player Chester Taylor.  Fasano isn't going to cut it at TE any better than Alge Crumpler could.  Say hello to my little friend, 0-3.

12) A FIGHTING CHANCE (10) - Not to much to see here.  Relying on the arm of Eli and the legs of LT.  This could be the bust year LT has never been accustomed to.  Sammy Morris isn't gunna pick up the slack.  Face it Chad Johnson isn't the same and either are the Bengals.  Eddie Royal is good but won't be consistent enough to rely on all year.  Looks like you'll be looking to Justin Gage to fulfill that roll.  Good luck with that.  Your bench is just putrid.  Make some moves shake things up and cut some of those bums!  I gotta poop can I use your toilet seat?
And I leave you with this little ditty...
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta, a real gangsta ass nigga plays his cards right, a real gangsta ass nigga never runs his fucking mouth cuz real gangsta ass niggas don't start fights.  And niggas always got a hot cap, showing all his boys how he shot em, Real gangsta ass niggas don't flex nuts, cuz real gangsta ass niggas know they got em'.  And all i gotta say to your wannabee cock sucking pussy eatin pranksters, is when the fog goes down what the fuck you gunna do? God it feels good to be a gangsta.  A gangsta ass nigger pulls the trigger and his partners in the posse ain't telling on shit.  Real gangsta ass niggers don't talk much,. all you here is the clap from the gun blast.  Real gangsta ass niggers don't run for shit! Cuz real gangsta ass niggas can't run fast.



Category: NFL
Posted on: September 12, 2008 5:06 pm
Edited on: September 24, 2008 7:15 am

Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power Week 1


Well guys fantasy week 1 has come and gone and it didn't do it quietly.  We all know about the huge injuries that took place.  Jeremy bent over and took it like a man basically.  Time to rebuild buddy. From now on you can expect to see the new power rankings for each week Sunday morning before the games. ( ) indicates last weeks ranking.

1) Kelsos Helmet
2) Thurman In His Prime
3) Green Bowl Packers
4) Back Yard Brawlers
5) Ron Mexico Kennel Club
6) Hydro Huskies
8) Fear & Loathing
10) A Fighting Chance
11) Home Field Disadvantage
12) Tonight The Riot

1) KELSOS HELMET (1) - Well I probably would have knocked myself out of the top spot this week if it wasn't for a dreaded instance of scoring 100 points and losing, so this is my way of making me feel better about myself.  My team produced pretty much as I suspected. Jacobs was his usual beasty self. Johnson was average against a stout NE defense.  Big Ben was Solid just hope he passes for more than 137 yards though and I just hope Moss can still be the beast he is with Matt "Sand" Cassel.  Vincent Jackson looked good but his brother Darrel couldnt get me the 15 points I needed to defeat Nugget. I don't really think there brothers are they? Shock-ey Value should be Brees's new go to guy in New Orleans, I know your all waiting for Patten, Meachum and Henderson to step up but that job is for Shockey. Also  Added John Carlson for some TE depth because Seattle is hurting big time for receiving threats and I traded for him in my Madden franchise and believe it or not he's quite a beastly white man himself!  New addition Greg Lewis could fill in nicely for a few weeks while Brown and Curtis are still out, Hank Baskett is not the Philadelphia answer I'm sorry. Probably my most guru pick of the draft, The Tennesee Defense going to be top 5 this year. Laverneous Coles is on the block. Felix Jones is a nice addition and he should blast Barber in the ribs a few times before Sunday.  Superbowl ReDu fot you Riot.  You game?

2) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME (2) - Staying put in the rankings is Prime Thurman, Jay Cutler looks like he's grasping this Quarterback thing finally, great late pick.  Gore is a centerpiece in San Fransisco, the offense runs through him.  I might be second guessing taking Moss over him this year.  You couldn't ask for a better performance from Thomas Jones, good start but would young Matt Forte proclaimed Rookie Of The Year be a better one? By the looks of the opener Plaxico is DEFINETLY Eli's #1 guy.  Reggie Wayne is probably Peytons too.  Best 1. 2. receiving punch on any team.  Chris Cooley needs to step it up or you'll be trading me for Big John Carlson or at least give LJ Smith a chance.  Bradshaw needed to get cut and wisely you did.  Making all the right moves like Tom Cruise so far Mr. Sherwood.  Keep on wagon "training" on.

3) GREEN BOWL PACKERS (6) - Whooped my ass so I'll give credit where credit is due.  For being so down and out about his team after the draft he should be happy to have such a nice squad assembled. Your such a dummy nuggy.  Drew Brees loses a target but really didn't even use him week 1 anyway.  If he was smart he'd hit Shockey all day but to be honest I think David Patten is the receiver with the most potential to gain here. Either way Brees should continue to produce.  Earnest Graham is a silent snake slithering through the grass.  Quietly got you 11 points and matched Jacobs day.  Steven Jackson is crying for more carries, so i guess that's good for you too.  Don't expect Hines Ward to continue his torrid pace.  Bengals offense was junk hope it heats up for Housh.  Crayton and Whitten were targeted 15 times Sunday so Romo is looking bothe guys way.  Td's will come from both.  Also like DeSean Jackson on your bench. I remember at the draft you deabting over him or Chris Brown Houston running back.  Nice choice.  Fred Taylor and MJD COMBINED! for 33 yards rushing Sunday and they lost 4 starting lineman...Not to be a back seat GM but I'd drop Fragile Freddy if I was you. Another tough matchup with division foe Balco this week, and I hope you lose.

4) BACK YARD BRAWLERS (5) - High points bread winner week 1 and it sounds like Jeff's taking stock in the "More Time you spend on the computer the better your team is" method popularized by Kelsos Helmet last year.  McNabb was on point Sunday and so was Westbrook, better hope that Phily Train keeps chuggin along though.  Kevin Smith is a pleasant surprise.  You got 12 points outta Burleson and out.  A week receiving core to begin with loses maybe it top threat.  Mason, Evans and now maybe Javon Walker is ready to play ball?  Steve Smith can't get back fast enough but if you win the three games he's out watch out.  Kellen Winslow produced as expected.  Jamal Lewis is a more than viable backup.  Wasn't a fan of Ginn unless you get return points good job showing him the door.  Things looking good early.  Tango with the Hydro Huskie in week 2 is always a battle.  Bait him with some green bud.

5) RON MEXICO KENNEL CLUB (4) - Handed Homefield a 54 point beat down while the Disadvantage scored just 54.  Willie Parker shut me up week one and my Mendenhall wishes.  Maurice Jones Drew may just be in for a rude awakening though.  Without a fast Willie outburst this team may come back down to earth fast.  Bowe gotta a Td and that's all your asking for, TO and Romo were on the same page and Owen Daniels scored 3 points and still crushed Todd Heps production. But guess what, he's not playing this week and you don't have a back up, John Carlson?  If I was you I'd also look at a Galloway replacement.  Laverneous Coles man!  Bears D didn't dissapoint but there no Titan Sqaud.  Should have your way with an already beaten up A Fighting Chance team and find yourself 2-0.

6) HYDRO HUSKIES (3) - Falling three spots with a 68 point sub par week 1 performance is the Hydroponic Huskies. Favre looked like the gunslinger of old.  Barber ran like a champion but took a few on the ribs, should be good to go though.  McFadden's first few weeks might be slow but he'll develop.  Might wanna think about plugging Reggie Bush in until he does, and I see you have!  What's this? The Kevin Boss experiment is over already Davis? Vernon Davis should be good for you, Calvin Johnson is going to be a horse, but Braylen Edwards led the league in drops last year and might fail to be the dominant force we all predicted.  Is Wes Welker going to fall off without Brady? Prob not.  Good choice going with the Bills D.  They look ball hawking and ferocious.  Hardy could be holding up a roster spot until he gets in his rhythm or even on the field.  Also need to find a kicker because of "Bye Week" for Houston.  Tought matchup with the brawlers and in danger of falling to 0-2. Say it Ain't Soooooooo.

7) BALCO LABS (8) - Peyton had an off week and still scored you 16, Clinton Portis was bottled up by the Giants and is bitching about his offense, and Selvin Young had 7 carries. Even Justin Fargus can't fix your running back problem.  Cotchery is indeed Favres favorite target but Driver isn't Rodgers.  Roy Williams should be consistent and rocksolid all year. But  is Tony Gonzalez falling into mediocrity? Don't act like you didn't know Bills are lighting up that Jags D all day son!  Give Green Bowl a sparking for me.

8) FEAR & LOATHING (10) - Little Brother needs a TE, Big brother to the rescue, Big Brother needs a Quarterback, Little Brother returns the favor.  You guys are cute.  But if Chris Johnson is getting passed around like a little slut, I want a piece.  Marshawn ran hard but Willis bitched it.  A 57 point butt whiping.  Average performance from an average team.  Now that you got Chris Johnson gifted back to you he'll prob stay in your lineup over Willis for the rest of the year.  If I was you I would have kept Warner and dealt Rodgers to your Bro.  Fitzgerald from Warner allll day combo. Don't worry he might trade him back to you in a day or two.  Santonio needs to step it up and get open for Big Ben. 19 yards isn't gunna cut it. Todd Heap not gunna get out of the negatives this week, so it's Schefler to the rescue. Probably gunna get stomped by Prime Thurman.

9) BTAN (9) - Pin the tail on the low point man for the week. Playing Ben this week with the two of you combined for 107 points last week, three almost four teams would have beat both your teams put together.  Now that's funny I don't care who ya are. Carson Palmer stunk up the stadium but don't expect that to become a habit.  Adrian Peterson came to play like usual.  Edjerrin is gunna get the yards but Hightower will get most of the touchdowns in Arizona.  Harrison was targeted consistenly and Chambers did catch a TD pass, but Tory Holt was non existant.  Like the Fasano pickup, Alge Crumpler eats his socks.  Probably should roll the Home Field Disadvantage this week.

10) A FIGHTING CHANCE (12) - Snuck out the imfamous 70 point win last week.  While great in the win column it doesnt help you much in the power rankings.  Eddie Royal is now your #1 WR threat and Marshall is coming back.  Eddie Royal had his best game of the season.  Justin Gage makes me laugh every time I look at it.   Dallas Clark is banged up, Ladainian is gimpy your starting Sammy Morris.  Things don't look good.  Eli's gunna have to win for you single handedly.

11) HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE (7) - The biggest fall in the rankings is the Disadvantage.  I really don't know what i was thinking ranking them so high in the first place.  Hasselbacks weapons are depleted.  Maroney lost yards and carries and touchdowns to Sammy Morris again.  I thought things would be different with him this year to, but guess not.  You don't have a healthy reciver to start in Andre Johnsons place.  Ahman Green has to go.  Anthony Gonzalez is the 4th WR threat on his team.  Heath Miller had an off week, but should rebound.

12) TONIGHT THE RIOT (11) - Well i didn't really like your team to begin with now take away your two best guys.  I feel this is the only spot for ya until you make your team better.  Warner was a start but i might almost rather of had Chris Johnson and rolled with Pennington.  You still got Boldin and your favorite man Turner who will not have the day of his carrer like he had last week.  Not to mention Kelso Helmet memebers are boiling over the loss to Green Bowls.  Patten better bring his A game.  You know how I feel about Berrian and Gates is still not 100%.  Looks like a picked a nice week to be playing you buddy.  May the best man win.
Posted on: September 5, 2008 3:25 pm

Projection Power Rankings

The first preseason rankings were probably the hardest I have ever done.  There's just to much stuff left unknown at this point in the season.  I admit it was very random ranking process used so I decided to rank all 12 teams with a different method using the projection points that cbs gives for every member on each team not the guru points but projected stats for the season and simply ranked from highest total to least.  I was quite shocked with the outcome. The results may shock you....

1) Green Bowl Packers - 2106 projected points
2) Backyard Brawlers - 1997
3) Tonight The Riot - 1963
4) BTAN - 1929
5) Hydro Huskies - 1917
6) Fear & Loathing - 1899
7) Balco Labs - 1895
8) A Fighting Chance - 1861
9Tied) Ron Mexico - 1835
9Tied) Home Field Advantage - 1835
11) Thurman In His Prime - 1785
12) Kelsos Helmet - 1663

HA! Almost a reverse order than my Rankings Of Power!  We all know what a good predictor the  cbs "guru" is, but to be honest I could give two shits what cbs predicts, theyre' not half as guru as Kelsos Helmet.
Posted on: September 2, 2008 11:24 am
Edited on: September 24, 2008 7:15 am

Preseason BAFF "Kelsos Helmet Rankings Of Power"


Well boys it's only 5 days and 4 hours away as I write this. You guessed it the start of the 2008 B.A.F.F. season is almost here.  As it is the start of the season and everyone should feel they have the best team, these are the rankings as I see it.  This was tough...there doesn't seem to be any one standout team so far with a lot of quality teams with different strengths and weaknesses it's hard to put them in order.  I am posting all the rankings this year on my blog "The Fantasy Factor" so all you pukes can reply and re-buttle to the rankings.  So don't be scared and tell me what ya think.  So now without further a due I give you the PRESEASON KELSOS HELMET RANKING'S OF POWER

1) Kelsos Helmet
2) Thurman In His Prime
3) Hydro Huskies
4) Ron Mexico Kennel Club
5) Back Yard Brawlers
6) Green Bowl Packers
7) Home Field Disadvantage
8) BALCO Labs
10 )Fear & Loathing
11) Tonight The Riot
12) A Fighting Chance

1) KELSOS HELMET - Quick. Name the next QB after Tom Brady, Tony Romo and Peyton Manning last year as far and Fantasy Point production.  If you guessed Ben Roethlisburger than your right.  Third in the league with 32 passing TD's last year can tell you that Big Ben is a Big Time player.  He also only threw 11 picks and added Limus Sweed and Rashard Mendenhall, two of the top players at there position coming out of the draft to the arsenal, so, things can only get better.  Also rumours of a no huddle "K- Gunesque" offense, be afraid be very afraid.  Now as I said Big Ben was a top 3 QB last year, but Larry Johnson was the 38th ranked RB.  Definetly looking for a bounce back season from this perenial horse, but if not Brandon Jacobs has averaged 6.1 yards per carry and you know they'll be using him at the goaline with Droughns long gone. Exactly what my next back Rashard Mendenhall should be doing in Pittsburgh.  Willie Parker is a pipsqueak. Made an oopsie pick with Chris Brown and he will be cut AS SOON AS FREE AGENCY OPENS!  I passed on Frank Gore in favor of my next Kelso Helmet cornerstone, Randy Moss.  Do I really have to break down the freaks stats for you all?  I was on the Vincent Jackson bandwagon last year and he failed me.  But the mother fucker tore it up for me on my madden team, alot of upside here, especially if Gates is banged up.  Coles should also see a boost in production with Bret The Jet in town.  Darrel Jacksons value is down with Marshall's suspension only 1 game now, but still could put up good numbers in new scenery.  Kinda like Shockey, Drew Brees targeted his tight end the most in the NFL last year.  He's a red zone target if I ever saw one.  Vernon Davis is supposed to be great but I'm still waiting.  It looks like I'm in line for a repeat boys.  Always open for trade opputunities give me an offer

2) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME - Now solo after a lovers quarrel, the man they call ZTrain has taken over the reigns of Thurman In His Prime.  Out of the Bill Polian mold Sherwood drafted a powerful team.  Frank Gore is fat but could be top 5 back.  Mike Martz is running the show so think of him as Marshal Faulk.  Thomas Jones is getting rave reviews but I havn't jumped on the bandwagon yet.  I like your youth with Stewart and Forte but I hope Ahmad Bradshaw doesnt see a down. Cutler could be a sleeper, with Marshall for and extra 2 games, keep some sigar handy in case his diabetes acts up though Possible three headed monster with Plaxico, Wayne, and Moss (Santana).  Chris Cooley was picked in Maxim magazine as there Tightend for the all Maxim team, not quite all madden but close enough.  Make Maines sorry for not showing up and win the BAFF championship, I'll let ya.

3) HYDRO HUSKIES - Is Favre gunna produce in New York?  If he does I like your team alot.  I'm aboard the McFadden train and don't be surprised if he has a Adrain Peterson type year.  Barber is one of the most fun backs to watch in the NFL.  Felix Jones looked great in preseason also.   And my friend you have Reggie Bush on your bench, not a bad man to have there, he still has mad potential.  Love your recievers.  Edwards will be top 3, Calvin Johnson with a year under his belt, and Wes Welker continues to amaze me.  Hardy will give you the TD's Evans seemed to lack for me last year.  Greg Olsen was a first round pick for a reason, it's just the Bears passing game blows.  You came on strong last year and continued with a quality draft in 08.  Chargers and Bills D tandem could produce nicely also.

4) RON MEXICO KENNEL CLUB - Tony Romo was very high on my draft board, could outpoint Brady and Manning this year if the tide is right.  I'm not high on your running back squad,and that's probably why you tried to pick up Kenny Watson before free agency CHEATER!  Jones Drew is solid and I guess Willie Parker is ok, but he won't be getting goaline carries and you know I'm praying for him to break his legs.  Yeah that's right both of em.  Funny thing is i probably like Ray Rice the best outta them all.  Willis did have knee surgery and I know it was minor, but don't forget about his blowout in Miami.  If Willis goes down Rice will shine.  I'll never tell you my sleeper picks again, THIEF!  TO and Romo could be a winning combination, Stallworth could take some pressure off Edwards and Vice versa.  Dwayne Bowe is nasty but in a shit offense.  Limus Sweed could be the best rookie wideout.  Galloway is 37 how much more can he run for bombs?  Daniel Owens...I mean Owen Daniels is an up and coming TE out of the Todd Heap mold.  But he will crush Heaps production.  The Bears are still the bears and a top D in Fantasy.  Good squad here.

5) BACK YARD BRAWLERS - Love McNabb pick late, I actually thought he was already picked when you drafted him.  He should be back to his form of two years ago, plus he too was a member of my 2008 championship squad so he can't be that bad.  Westbrook battled AP and Ladanian all year for the top running back in fanatasy, I know everyone says he injury prone, but fuck that, he's a stud.  I am actually really high on Kevin Smith this year, errrr I was until that piece of shit Rudi Johnson came to town.  I was gunna make an offer for Smith but now the Lions are just another team splitting carries.  Jamal Lewis could be avg but he has some miles on those wheels.  Your WR squad is lackluster. Lee Evans and Burleson will have to carry you until Steve Smith gets back week 4. Is Javon Walker retiring or was someone pulling my leg?  Mason would be awesome if we got points for catches but until then he sucks.  Winslow is your money maker.  I wanted him so bad and Jeremy snatched him up 3 picks before me.  Good trade on your part Jeremy might be regretting it midseason.  Baltimore d is still Ballhawking. Another good quality draft here.

6) GREEN BOWL PACKERS - Divison rival riding the legs of Earnest P. Graham. I'll take it.  Stephen Jackson should be a stud but other than that you have 2 backup runners in Chester and Fred Taylor. Must of liked what you saw from Drew Brees even though he singled handidly lost a couple games for you last year one on the last play in what was against Teneesee quite possibly the best fantasy final ever.  Nugget up 1 point with 1 play left, Drees drops back and Bulluck intercept to give Nuggy the loss.  Brees is all in all a great Qb option.  Housh took over the #1 spot last year and was right on pace with Moss early on.  Hines Ward is still ticking but not a big TD threat.  Crayton could breakout opposite TO and Whitten.  Think Wes Welker.  Oh Yeah Jason Whitten, personally my #1 TE on my board, I already tried to rip Nugget off but even a dummy knows Whitten is golden.  Only trouble i see this team is it's divison with company from probably the best 3 teams last year.  But whipe the slate clean it's a new season.

7) HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE - See what a difference it makes coming straight to the draft from work rather from the bar.  Hasselback is a very consistent productive QB right behind Brees and Big Ben.  Anybody notice in my last year ranking I said Addai would be top 3 pick this year and thats exactly where he went #3.  Should be productive.  I like Maroney better this year but he needs more than 185 carries.  Tons of potential, he reminds me of Marion Barber.  I do however hate Ahman Green, injured frequently and he had a grand total of 28 Fantasy Points last year LOL 11 years in the league is alot for a running back. dont expect much.  Norwood is just too hit or miss and Michael Turner is there now to steal carries away again.  Andre Johnson is awesome and you lucked out with Marshall only suspended 1 game.  Gafney could be a sleeper target kinda like Welker last year. Anthony Gonzalez in the same position in Indy.  Its officialy time to name Reggie Brown a BUST. Heath Miller will always have a spot in my heart as he was part of my  Championship squad last season, he's solid.  Good work Benny, looks like you did your homework.

8) BALCO LABS - I believe the expression is falling back down to earth.  That's what's in store for Balco Labs this year.  Granted you have Peyton Manning who could have a monster year but Selvin Young probably should still be a free agent.  Same for Fargus, I know he had a good year last year but Darren McFadden wasn't on his team.  Clinton Portis is average so far into his stay in Washington but still a solid #1 RB, he led the league in carries last season so you can't say he's injury prone anymore.  Expect big things from Roy Williams this year searching for a new deal.  Donald Driver caught 2TD's last year so don't expect much more without Favre.  Reached with Jerrico, good deep threat but Coles is still the #1 guy.  Tony Gonzalez would be great if we had points for catch but the Chiefs passing D is horrible.  You might think about starting Ben Watson midseason.  Good Quality backup with Rivers.  Tough division could make it tough for this team to make playoofs too.

9) BTAN - Ben tickles anal nerves is back with avengence this year.  Pummeled by the leagues toughest schedule BTAN was down for the count early.  Palmer should be a top 5 QB but if not a healthy Marc Bulger might be a steal in round 8. Everyone's sexy pick Adrian Peterson is sure to shine and get plenty of carries.  Does Edge have any gas left in the tank? At least he isn't splitting carries.  Ricky Williams likes bongs for breakfast like me, so he's cool in my book.  Another question mark with Marvin Harrison, I gambled on him in another league and Tory Holt might be heading downhill, but as for right now still a top recieving threat.  Chris Chambers is a habitual underachiever, and hasn't proved to me yet to be fantasy worthy.  Isacc bruce is about as dry as a popcorn fart.  Alge Crumpler is a below average tight end at best.  A lot of question marks but if everything clicks this team could be nasty.

10) FEAR & LOATHING - Rumored to be a fan favorite from other members of the BAFF but I just can't see it.  David Garrard don't get me wrong is a quality QB but doesn't put up the numbers to warrant a starting Fantasy QB.  Everyone loves Lynch but i dont see him being anything more than a top 10 running back.  Willis is on my black list, and busted up, can't count on him.  Julius Jones is still Julius Jones whether he's in Dallas or Seattle.  Larry Fitzgerald is the real deal but Greg Jenning should will feel the hurt of no Favre or maybe he'll thrive, who am I to say. There is nothing to see here at tight end.  Schefler lost his starting job and Todd Heap will be lucky to play 8 games but hey, you felt highly enough of him to trade away the possible ROY canidate Chris Johnson, I've heard nothing but good things about that guy.  I wanna see ya win buddy so prove me wrong.

11) TONIGHT THE RIOT - Probably the biggest surprise in this years rankings.  Sorry Jeremy but I don't like the squad.  Of course Brady is Brady but im not planning on him outpointing the next best QB by 150 points this year, but maybe.   Taking Brady early makes you settle for Michael Turner and Ryan Grant.  I'm not sold on either.  They are both 15-20 ranked backs in my book. Even worse is Lendale.  Chris Johnson I like and will trade you something for. Colstin should be solid but not a top 5 WR, Boldin is not the #1 guy on his team but again solid. I was part of the Bernard Berrian experience last year and he is hit or miss but mostly miss,and Kurtis busted his nut lifting a piano or something.  Plus i think you made a blunder trading Winslow for Gates. Winslow is Gates from 2005 and you should have kept him.  But then again Gates isn't no bum right? Watch the Bills light up the Seahawks week 1 too.  Still not a team I want to play but nothing spectacular.

12) A FIGHTING CHANCE - Get comfy wearing that toilet Huffy cuz things don't look good.  LT's on your team again after a year hiatus so thats wear your sun shines. Ronnie Brown will have to fight off Ricky Williams all year to keep his job.  Rudi Johnson got cut from the Bengals for a reason. Geez, Your wideouts blow, dont they? Ocho Cinco has torn larbum and will be lucky to play 8 games all year. Eddie Royal, Ernest Wilford, and Justin Gage (Pete's diamond in the rough last year).  Jerry Porter has upside but is banged up right now too.  What a gang ya got there.  Dallas Clark I always liked, good quality TE.  Eli and Derek Anderson is a good combo but may have trouble wondering who to start each week. Don't be discouraged with my rankings...i don't know shit.
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