KELSOS HELMET RANKINGS OF POWER WEEK 2Do I stress you out? My sweaters on backwards and inside out and you say, hooOoow appropriate. I don't want to diesect everything today. I don't mean to pick you apart you see. But I can't help it.
Anyone know that song? Week 2 is in the books. The champ falls to 0-2. Ding dong the witch is dead?! Not so Fast! I've still got some tricks up my sleeve. Standings say theres only 2 teams left without a loss. And 2 teams left without a win. Still WAY too early to be crowning any winners, even though Nugget seems to sure have his panties in a bunch about his fast start. Thurman In His Prime on the other hand is deploying the speak softly and carry a big stick method and The Kennel Club is malling everything in there path.
1) Thurman In His Prime
2) Green Bowl Packers
3) Backyard Brawlers
4) Ron Mexico kennel Club
5) Fear & Loathing
6) Kelsos Helmet
7) Hydro Huskies
8) Tonight The Riot
9) BALCO Labs
10) Home Field Disadvantage
12) A Fighting Chance
1) THURMAN IN HIS PRIME (2) - ZTrain Polian continues to amaze me. Thurman is the league leader in points by a favorable 25 points and is a 40 point favorite by the guru this week!!! A career day from Cutler though wasn't enough to come out of last week without a loss, but you did it in style and with moxy. Good running backs keep on popping up out of the woodwork for this team, Matt Forte & Johnathon Stewart now leave you with an overly crowded stable of talented runners. Thats not a bad thing. If there is a weakness I see it's your WR depth, Ike Hilliard & Josh Reed? Really Zack?
2) GREEN BOWL PACKERS (3) - Another convincing win for Green Bowls makes him one of the 2 undefeated teams left. Rumour has it that this owner is trying to shake his roster up. I smell a blockbuster?! A little weak at WR especially now that Housh and the Bengals arn't producing. Hines Ward does continue to produce but Laverneous Coles would look great in a Green Bowl Packer Uniform! Who would have thought Earnest Graham would be outpointing Tomlinson, Addai, Steven Jackson, & Larry Johnson after 2 weeks?
3) BACKYARD BRAWLERS (4) - 2nd in points and getting Steve Smith back this week. Anchored by Eagles, McNabb and Westbrook it looks to be a winning formula early on. The trade pending involves Back yard trading his garbage for Jeremy's junk. Kellen Winslow has been consistent but Gates is outpointing him but still to early to tell who won out. Probably time to upgrade Derrick Mason and I think I can help you out in that departmet. Tough matchup this week against Thurman might knock you down for another week. But keep throwing head butts and elbows brawler.
4) RON MEXICO KENNEL CLUB (5) - Moving up one spot we have the other undefeated team in the BAFF Ron Mexico. With the way BTAN has looked Pedro could quite easily improve to 3-0. Say it ain't so. Romo and TO arn't dissapointing. And that little pipsqueak Willie Parker didn't score last week but still rushed for 100 yards. Take away MJD's TD and he has 1 point, only 17 rushing yards and a fumble lost. Don't really know what you got in Owen Daniels yet. Must be trying to get real guru on us and pick up Pierre Thomas. Did i ever mention that I think you should change your name to Popsicle Peters Pillowbiting Pirates? That'd be cool.
5) FEAR & LOATHING (8) - Continuing to climb the ranks with the emergence of footballs ARod. Everybody raise your middle fingers in the air and say Brett Favre Who? When will you bench Willis and start Chris Johnson, he's the real deal. Great combo now with Rodgers and Jennings not to mention Fitzgerald, but I don't think Santonio is going to live up to the hype this year, i just don't think he's fit to be a #1 guy. It does look like Culter likes Schefler though. This team prob could be 2-0 but it has had 47 more points scored against them than any other team. The loser of your game this week with Huskies most likely will take last place in the divison. Don't let it be you.
6) KELSOS HELMET (1) - Well the champ now took two suckerpunches to start the season. The time has come to drop out of the coveted #1 spot. Laid a total egg last week scoring a measly 63 points, now that's not gunna beat anybody is it? But i do have the next most points scored against me Giving Larry Johnson one last try this week so he better show up. I'm predicting a huge day from Moss against Miami. Going with a tough managerial call and benching Shockey in favor of Big John Carlson this week. Tenness has been one of my favorite draft picks so far. Big matchup this week with Balco Labs will have Kelso bringing his "A" game. Can not fall to 0-3, it just won't happen. GUARANTEE IT!
7) HYDRO HUSKIES (6) - The water puppies improved to 1-1 last week with a close matchup with the Brawlers, despite benching McFadden who scored 20 on his bench. It'll have to be Barber and Bush again this week with McFadden banged up. Braylen Edwards has been getting shit for dropping balls, he should be OK. If not Calvin Johnson could have emerged as a true stud WR last week with his performance. I heard Matt Cassel be talked about as the start of the week against Miami, but I see your staying loyal to Favre. O'Sullivan throws for 350 and not a single ball to Vernon Davis? Guess he's not the go to guy afterall. Can stay out of the basement with a win this week. My moneys on you Davis, don't dissapoint.
8) TONIGHT THE RIOT (12) - Moved up 4 spots for handing me a 42 point throttling. Newly stolen QB Kurt Warner to Boldin combo for 3 TD's a piece was the death of me. Chad Pennington would have been a much more viable replacement for Brady I believe. HA! Turner is back to earth, as I suspected. Also I think I told you Ryan Grant was junk after the draft. Jamal Lewis is a good add of depth for you, I like the deal. Also told you Bernard Berrian doesn't deserve to be on fantasy rosters and now he's not. I really can't beleive you actually picked up Chanci Stuckey, now your starting him. LOL. We'll see how that goes. Tough matchup against the ButtNugget this week and I need a loss from you to stay in the division race. Don't be surprised not to be back in the win column after blowing your wad on me last week.
9) BALCO LABS (7) - Two sub par performances from Peyton Manning leaves Balco fans calling for Phil Rivers! Clinton Portis is solid, I'll give you that but the three headed monster of Fargus, Michael Bush, & Selvin Young is about as pitiful of 2nd running back options as they come. Only 20 yards from Cotchery cuz Chanchi Stuckey gave Favre a reach around. Drivers stock is up now and should continue to produce now that Rodgers is feeling it, and Roy Williams will be fine. Don't think your getting back into the win column this week. Semi Final rematch and Kelsos got his game face on BITCH!
10) HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE (11) - It's back to reality for the Disadvantage. Only 10 points out of the league lead for least points scored. Hasselback has NO buddy to throw to. Addai's line is breaking down and he had 20 yards rushing last week. Maroney did him better and rushed for 16. Plus you have no backups to speak of in Scotts brother Jerius Norwood and Brandon Marshall is definetly the anchor of this team, prob should trade him and do some remodeling on your team. Good thing your playing Huffy and you can feel good about winning 2 in a row possibly.
11) BTAN (9) - Jimbo it doesn't look good my man. Low points after two weeks goes to you and your facing a matchup against undefeated Ron mexico team this week. What the hell's the matter with Carson? Scoring 2 and 1 in back to back weeks. LOL. Your WR's are above average, Chris Chambers looks to be warming up in San Diego, Holt got in the action, and Marvin Harrison should be back to form this week. I'd be surprised if Edgerin scores more than 2 TD's all year with Tim Hightower hogging any and all goaline carries. AP is banged up also, maybe you should think about talking to Nugget about obtaining his favorite player Chester Taylor. Fasano isn't going to cut it at TE any better than Alge Crumpler could. Say hello to my little friend, 0-3.
12) A FIGHTING CHANCE (10) - Not to much to see here. Relying on the arm of Eli and the legs of LT. This could be the bust year LT has never been accustomed to. Sammy Morris isn't gunna pick up the slack. Face it Chad Johnson isn't the same and either are the Bengals. Eddie Royal is good but won't be consistent enough to rely on all year. Looks like you'll be looking to Justin Gage to fulfill that roll. Good luck with that. Your bench is just putrid. Make some moves shake things up and cut some of those bums! I gotta poop can I use your toilet seat?
And I leave you with this little ditty...
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta, a real gangsta ass nigga plays his cards right, a real gangsta ass nigga never runs his fucking mouth cuz real gangsta ass niggas don't start fights. And niggas always got a hot cap, showing all his boys how he shot em, Real gangsta ass niggas don't flex nuts, cuz real gangsta ass niggas know they got em'. And all i gotta say to your wannabee cock sucking pussy eatin pranksters, is when the fog goes down what the fuck you gunna do? God it feels good to be a gangsta. A gangsta ass nigger pulls the trigger and his partners in the posse ain't telling on shit. Real gangsta ass niggers don't talk much,. all you here is the clap from the gun blast. Real gangsta ass niggers don't run for shit! Cuz real gangsta ass niggas can't run fast.