TNM&GB hockey musings IV

SHEGULLS SUX DED SKINZ SUX GNATS SUX STILLERS SUX CHEATRIOTS SUX GO COWBOYS

The Cowgirls? Are you kidding me ..... they've been non existant over the last two decades. You sould have taken my advice on eating more fiber. It appears your hemroids are causing you to watch crappy football teams. The Eagles & Giants are both better football teams, so it looks as though Dallas will be missing the playoffs AGAIN,

You should get into an arguement with yourself on the tennis boards Fizz.  That would be hysterical to read and no one would get the joke.

I am just waiting for the Cowboys to all of a sudden have a 13-3 season or something. They have the talent to do it and Romo can play extremely well at times. I sure hope it doesn't happen, but sometimes they scare me.

Or better yet, create "TNM&GB tennis musings" on the tennis boards.

That awkward moment when you have to crap and every stall is filled.

Romo is a good QB, and deserves more credit than the idiotic cowboy fans give him. But, if the Giants don't suffer a SB hangover, and Vick is healthy for the Eagles, I just don't see Dallas beating out either team in the NFC East. I still like Green Bay in the NFC, but their defense scares me. The AFC is a toss up. New England, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and Houston are all contenders ....it will be interesting to see how the season unfolds.

That awkward moment when you have to crap and every stall is filled.

Or worse... when you have to crap and your in a stadium. I had to go in the Carrier Dome in Syracuse once, and I'm pretty sure what I did actually made the stall cleaner.

Or at a port-o-potty at a Pearl Jam concert. I'm lucky I didn't catch some kind of disease. Not to mention there was no TP in the damn thing.

Thankfully, someone left a hot dog wrapper in there, because I was going to have to use my socks.

Buuuuut, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Nature doesn't care about what awkward situation you are in.   

Oh god that would suck Scuba. I avoid port-o-potties at all costs. I haven't been in one in years.

here's a suggestion: before attending something which is bound to have disgusting facilities, take an opiate. tylenol with codeine, vicodin, lortab, oxycontin - whatever is handy. yes, it's hard to ignore the call of nature - but opiates turn the phone off :)

Yeah, but if you eat them for more than a day straight, when you finally do take a dump, it is like giving birth!

....or just do a couple lines of coke and get it out of your system.

ohhh i see - fly's one of those choosy mothers who usta buy jif.

i'd rather give birth at home than visit some of the places recently described.

besides, i bet it comes out easily enough after your lover tark is done reaming you. admit it.

HAI WUT

isnt immodem ad the cure for taking a dump on a golf course or stadium?

after eating brisket at a tailgate,  i had to go at the eagles stadium. now of course they was a puddle of piss on the floor so i had my shorts pulled up and out of the piss while i took a dump. and all the while drunken a hole fans yelling "hurry up in there!" not a pleasant experience at all!

and lately-been going to bars with no doors on the stalls? how can you take a dump in peace then? the door isn't cutting into your bar space. jeez.!

immodium is the weak infant member of the opiate clan. but, like with any other opiate, u need to take it in advance. if you're already getting those urges, you'll need to resist them for another half hour bare minimum, often longer, before it can help you.

one of the things on my bucket list is to find the source hollywood gets its on-screen drugs from. one of the funniest things, to me, in a TV show or a movie, is when someone slips something into a person's drink - and that person is unconscious almost before they've had a chance to completely swallow it. wait for it to be absorbed thru the stomach lining or small intestine and build up a high enough blood plasma level before it takes effect? screw that, we're on a tight schedule here. our drugs work instantly.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen written in a bathroom stall:

"Here I sit, my cheeks a-flexin', I gave birth to another Texan."

I think the Fizz will be able to back me up on this, but the peanut butter they used to give us in Meals Ready to Eat (MRE) would plug you up for a week.  The cheese spread worked, too, but not as well as the peanut butter. 

and lately-been going to bars with no doors on the stalls? how can you take a dump in peace then? the door isn't cutting into your bar space. jeez.!

I don't think you would have liked the old WWII barracks then, Catfish.  Those didn't even have stalls.  The scene in Stripes when Sgt Hulka punches Winger is accurate.

To be clear:  WWII barracks weren't necessarily built in WWII.  However, the layout was used by the Army for a very long time.